A: You know, we’ve been chatting for some time now and I’ve been having a pretty good time. You challenge me in a way that I really appreciate.
B: That’s very touching.
A: I know right? Anyway, I thought maybe you would be able to help my friend out.
B: Oh? With what?
A: I’m not very sure. She’s just really angry and frustrated and all sorts of things. But underneath it all she has a heart of gold, I swear.
B: Uhuh.
A: I feel like you’d be able to help her somehow. Or at the very least, you should be able to discern things that I’m not able to, because you’re all perceptive and wise and stuff.
B: Right.
A: Seriously. Would you do that for me?
B: I don’t have much of a choice, you know.
A: Yeah, but it would be really painful and boring if you weren’t interested. Or maybe before I do that– actually, what are YOU interested in?
B: Everything. Nothing. The Now.
A: Oh come on, that’s cheesy as fuck and you know it.
B: Fine. I don’t know what I’m interested in. I’m as lost in this world as you are.
A: I find that hard to believe.
B: That’s only because you think you’re special to a greater degree than you actually are.
A: Ouch.
B: I’m just playing.
A: It wouldn’t hurt if it weren’t probably true. Anyway, I’m tired of hogging the limelight and talking about me. I’ve already spoken to C and told her about you. She said she’ll show up, but she doesn’t have any expectations. She’s very cynical and jaded.
B: Why do you bother?
A: Because I care, I just do. I don’t know how to let go. It would be unnecessarily traumatic for me to let go, and I wouldn’t know what I’m letting go for. I owe this at least my best effort.
B: I suppose I can sort of respect that. You’re weird though.
A: That much I am actually really okay with. I want to give this a shot until I feel like I shouldn’t.
*C arrives*
A: Hi! Hey C, this is B.
C: Hi.
B: Hello.
A: Um… so…
C: *lights a cigarette, and holds out the pack* Do you smoke?
B: Nope, no thank you.
C: Suit yourself. A?
A: Uh, I’m trying to quit…
C: That’s adorable. You like this guy that much, huh?
A: Well, you know. It’s not just about that.
B: How long have you been smoking?
C: I think about 10 years.
B: Since you were…
C: 15.
A: Yeah, we were with a group of friends and everybody smoked.
B: That’s a little tragic.
C: Life’s a little tragic.
B: That’s true.
A: C, you’re thinking of quitting sometime, right?
C: I quit about every 20 minutes, yeah.
A: No, seriously.
C: I don’t know, man. What does it fucking matter anyway. Why are you so bothered by whether people smoke or not?
A: I guess I feel like… you know. We all know it’s bad for us. We all know it’s wrecking us on the inside and it’s going to affect our lives. Yet we do it anyway.
B: Maybe you do it precisely because it’s bad for you.
C: Yep. See, your friend gets it.
B: Thank you.
A: Is that true, though?
C: Well, what’s your explanation?
A: I think there are a bunch of explanations that all overlap and work together. I think a part of it is that the immediate pleasure feels good, while the costs seem to be distant and distributed. A single cigarette never feels like a horrible thing, but they accumulate really easily and really quickly.
C: *exhales* I don’t understand why you feel the need to talk so much.
A: And I don’t understand why you need to be so negative and cynical all the time.
B: Okay, pause.
A: Hm?
B: It’s not in my place to say anything, and I’m nobody to judge, but it does feel like you guys have some sort of unresolved tension between the two of you.
A: Uh…
C: No shit.
B: It’s interesting.
A: Is it that obvious?
B: Everything is unresolved tension to some degree, most of the time.
C: Mmhmm.
A: Well, what should we do about it?
B: Do you think something needs to be done?
A: *glances at C* Well…
C: What?
A: Yeah. I think it’s weird when friends have unresolved tension between them. I think when we have things unsaid, it narrows down the amount of sincere interaction we can have. Which is a damn shame, because life is already so precious and short. The fact that we’re even in the same place at the same time is a miracle. The fact that we can communicate with one another– even haltingly, imperfectly– that’s another miracle, too. So I think it’s a tremendous waste if we’re in each other’s presence and we don’t fully appreciate it.
C: *exhale* I’m just trying to appreciate my cigarette, man.
B: *smiles*
A: Don’t you guys relate to what I’m saying? Like, shouldn’t we seek to resolve tensions whenever we find them?
C: There’s always going to be more, though. Life’s tense and then you die.
B: I think you’re both right in your own ways. I’m not exactly an expert–
A: You don’t have to be so coy, you know. You’re obviously smart and perceptive.
B: I’m not being coy. If you think I’m smart and perceptive, it’s precisely because I’m “coy”.
C: D’aww, so romantic, you too.
B: I think the real challenge is simply to allow ourselves to become aware of tension where we find it. There’s no need to try to hard to resolve tension. I think your obsessive need to resolve tension is itself a source of tension– your scratching worsens the itch. You kick up more dust in all the struggle, and things get worse.
C: Amen.
A: So what should I do?
B: You’re framing the question wrong. It’s not about doing. It’s about being. About being mindful. When you recognize and acknowledge tension, it resolves itself.
A: I guess that sounds like it makes sense.
C: *exhales, extinguishes cigarette*