I tweeted something about social status – that I have lots of data in my mind about how to increase one’s perceived social status, and that I’ve sometimes been tempted to act on it, but that I’m mostly lazy. This is obviously a sort of cheap signalling in of itself, but I also think there’s something here.
I think what I really want to be doing is optimizing for social capital. I want great friends in my life, great peers, I want to do great things with great people. We are all nodes in the vast human graph, and some of us start in more advantageous positions than others. I think I had pretty great starting conditions, I can’t complain (though it’s always tempting to, because even if you have it better than 99.999% of humanity, you have a clear view of the 0.001% – the tens of thousands of people who have it seemingly better than you. That said, it seems like several of those people are unhappy, so… maybe let’s not worry too much about any of this, and instead focus on independently improving our own position.
So, what does it mean to improve one’s position in the human graph? Even before we begin I think there’s the question of, is this a zero sum game? In a sense yes and in a sense no. And instinctively I feel like the way in which it is “doesn’t really matter”, but maybe we should take a second to think that one through.
Suppose human status is a zero sum game, a hierarchy. Suppose there exists some person who is the highest status person in the world – would it be the POTUS? that seems like the shelling point candidate that most people would agree on, but maybe only because everyone assumes that everyone else agrees on it. Some might say the Pope. It becomes pretty clear that, okay, the world isn’t a single linear hierarchy. It’s a network, and definitely at least two or three dimensional, maybe more (how would you even begin to think about that? let’s not go there). Status is something that ebbs and flows, shifts depending on circumstance. The King is the highest status man in all the land the day before the revolution – and the next day, his wife and children have to flee the kingdom. Do they still have status? depends on who you ask, depends on what they can do, depends on what people think. It’s all quite subjective and seemingly arbitrary, but it’s not completely arbitrary.
The next sentence I was going to write was “you can’t just change your status by thinking about it” – but in a sense, you can! It’s complicated, and people use lots of shorthand when talking about things like this, so some things can sound profound to some people and complete nonsense to others.
Reciting affirmations: I am worthy, I am powerful, I have greatness within me – simply reciting those things don’t make it true, obviously. The power pose idea was supported and then supposedly debunked. You know… I still think there is some truth in it, but it’s a very placebo sort of thing, a very self-belief driven sort of thing. I think it will work if you believe it will work, if you associate that pose with thoughts, ideas, beliefs and so on that inspire you. It most likely won’t work if you think that it’s stupid, if you feel silly while doing it.
It’s obvious that there are things that can alter moods. Music can have that effect. Being in a crowd of sports fans cheering a game is quite an experience even if you aren’t really into sports. I remember going to the Meenakshi Temple in Mathurai and being awed by the sheer volume of people being “processed” – there was a great buzz about it that felt positively electric, and I left it feeling some feelings that I don’t think I could’ve felt otherwise. And it’s easy to see how that might be the basis of religion. Was watching a bit of a documentary about Rajini fans, and you can see the passion, the wildness, the boys screaming and cheering like teenaged Beatles fans back in the day. These are mood-altering things, state-altering things.
^ Now there’s a jumping off point to think about how “realism” can be a form of escapism from magic-ness, about the role of imagination, about how normalcy is simply the majority sect of magical thinking. Saving that one for another vomit.
Back to status, social capital, improving your status by thinking. What is thinking, anyway? (lol another vomit here). Let’s narrow it down to say, modifying your behavior. I think some things that people can generally agree on as really basic status 101 – being able to be unflinching, to be able to take your time and not have to react immediately to everything. Taking deep, long, slow breaths, speaking slowly with a deep voice. Being physically fit, nimble, limber, attractive. These are all things that you can “think-act” your way into higher status – or maybe framing it another way, ways you can reduce “status leakage”. Making eye contact. A lot of status games seem to be, in a way, games of posture, hands, eye contact. Does it make sense to try to deliberately modify these things? I think it does if your behavior is currently following a holding pattern that was designed or determined by your younger self. Some amount of my posture, eye-shifting, shallow breathing, fast-talking is all surely related to my childhood experiences. It makes sense to try to rework all of that and find a new equilibrium that is more befitting the space that I am now actually able to inhibit. So it’s not about forcing yourself onto others, it’s not about trying to be bigger than you are. It’s about trying to be as big as you are. Taking up the space that is yours.
Different people have different experiences and will relate to all of this differently, interpret all of this differently. I don’t have the time (or inclination, at this particular moment) to try and make sense to everyone. It’s a full time job trying to make sense to me
(haven’t yet explored the bit about non-zero-sum status games)