Well it’s day 5/6 of 2013. I didn’t do any word vomits for day 4 and day 5, and I feel quite shitty about that- technically, I’ve been meaning to do 300 in 365 days, so I have about 5 “rest days” per month that I can use, but it really feels shitty/silly to be using one (or two) so early in the year. The habit needs to be built, and so I need to keep at it. I’m not sure whether I should do 3 or 4 tonight- it’s 230am, and if I do 4 at one go, that’s writing until 330am… is that a good idea? I should sleep as early as possible. But I feel like I have to get this out of the way. Let’s not think so much and get to writing.
2013 has been just beautiful for me so far. A friend of mine just asked a girl out after months of deliberation, and she said yes. That was wonderful to witness. Simple joys. I’m really happy for you, bro. Live in the moment, like we talked about. It doesn’t matter how it turns out in the end- what matters is that you took the leap, and the positive response was the icing on the cake, the feather in the cap.
At the same time, I’ve been really upset about all the defamation suits going around in SG politics- Lee Hsien Loong sending a letter of demand to Alex Au, Tan Chuan-Jin sending one to Vincent Wijeysingha… I understand, it can be frustrating and worrisome to read accusations and allegations, but really, in this day and age, are such harsh tactics really necessary? After all that talk about “gracious society” and all that? Couldn’t ya’ll have, I don’t know, asked to meet in person and talk it out, and come to a gentleman’s solution? Am I being too wishful here? I wish we could be nicer to one another.
I met a few older friends for supper a couple of days ago and it was very sobering to witness how these people- who were, and continue to be incredible passionate, motivated and driven about their craft and work- have lost faith in the concept of Singapore- one said that the Singapore that he grew up in and loves now exists only in his memories, and in conversations with friends, and that the Singapore of today isn’t the Singapore of before. I accept that. It’s valid.
I’ve been thinking- and it’s been hitting me especially hard, lately, now that I’ve gotten so many emails and responses from outside of Singapore: Singapore is only 5,000,000 out of 7,000,000,000. That’s 5 out of 7,000, that’s less than 1 in a 1,000, that’s… uh my maths is bad… that’s about 0.07%. Think about it, if you spend all your life in Singapore, worrying about Singaporean politics, you’re really worrying about 0.07% of the known human population. I have spent a good 5 years of my life or so thinking about Singapore’s future and education policies and social climate and things like that (and things like Singapore’s music scene, which I am passionate about, but reflects an even smaller percentage…) and I know, life shouldn’t be a number’s game, but really, does it make sense to be so worked up about something so small? Could I be better using my time and energy focusing on bigger issues, could I be making a bigger and more meaningful difference in the world? I’ve always had ambitions of expanding in terms of scale of influence- I want to leave behind some sort of art that impacts all of humanity, hopefully- and I know, some people will say that’s way out of my league- but how do you get there if you don’t dream about it? You don’t get to be President of the USA by accident, for example- thousands of guys dream about it, hundreds of them fight tooth and nail for it, and everybody who ends up in such positions set out to be there, had a vision to be there before they were ever even close to it. So I make no apologies for thinking and dreaming big.
Education needs to be revamped and updated. I’ve been reading Nassim Taleb’s Anti-Fragile and it’s been resonating with me powerfully- I accept and understand criticisms of his ego and arrogance and stuff like that, but his actual points make a lot of sense, and it’s completely true and valid that a lot of the world could and should be fixed with some proper wisdom- that’s sorely lacking. Our financial systems, our education systems, really, all our human systems (including Singapore’s political systems…) how do I do something meaningful, real, powerful, valid? And having dreamt all those big dreams, how do I put food on the table, how do I put a roof over my head, how do I make my family happy and proud? There’s a lot to think about, and more importantly, there’s a lot to do, and I think doing is more important than thinking (for a person who spends more time thinking than doing), and so I should be doing more doing. I will get all of these vomits out and then I will write the emails that I know I’ve been putting off for some time.
I’ve been meaning to scour through my old blog posts and do some housekeeping and I’ve been putting it off partially because I think it’s redundant, silly and unnecessary, and partially because it just seems like way too much work. Why don’t I do a little at a time? I really just need to keep track of my days. It’s frustrating to run into this impasse of sorts where you know what you need to do but you’re struggling to do it- but maybe I’m doing it right now, maybe as long as I keep writing while staying offline, all is good. This is This is the first word vomit and I’m completing it almost 4 minutes ahead of time. Next one.