I had a moment earlier which I really wanted to capture, which also reminded me of several other moments. I’d like to christen them “moments out of time”. By that I don’t mean that these moments are literally outside of time, but rather they’re outside of “perceived time”, or they’re outside of the expected structure, the expected formula for things. First let me describe this specific moment.
This latest moment out of time was me and D in a SUV, with two of D’s friends that we had only just really begun to get to know. We’re in Cebu, which is their hometown, and they were driving us up the mountainous region. It was just really pleasant to roll the windows down and take in all the greenery. In those moments, staring out of the window, I found myself feeling “out of time”– like this was a sort of unscheduled, unplanned, unexpected moment that was really just mine. Me and three other human beings, sharing an experience together, just chatting about small little things like work and life and family, one of them is getting married soon, and they were telling us about their life in Cebu.
Other moments like this come to mind– this one didn’t come to me while I was there, but there were a few times during my NS when I would be lying on the back of a civilian truck that was driving from a camp all the way in the east to another all the way in the west. There was nothing to do, so I’d just lie on my back and look at the trees going past. It was very meditative, one of those “if this is all that there is to life, so be it” moments.
Another couple of moments– once during my Basic Training when it was raining, and we had been done with our fitness proficiency tests, and there was just nothing to do– so we just stayed in our bunks all day. The same thing happened during my Signals course– a bunch of folks had gone for a navigation exercise, and we were exempted, so we had a mysterious day off. In both cases, when I think about it, the days off were especially meaningful not simply because we were doing nothing, but because we were granted the freedom to do nothing in the midst of our hectic day-to-day activities. It was a respite, like gulping water when you’re really tired and thirsty after some strenous exercise.
I’m sure there have been other moments like this. One was when we were assembling little wire joints under the cover of darkness, working late into the night– aided by torches. I don’t remember exactly what we were chatting about, but it felt really meaningful at the time– even though we don’t remember it. Probably about girlfriends, school, parents, families– things that we were all struggling with at the time.
What other moments out of time are there? Skipping school, playing truant. Climbing over the gates and then rushing off to the LAN centers to play video games. Skipping school to sit at the Esplanade, trying to do homework but really not getting anything done. Playing Grand Theft Auto 3 late into the night when at a class chalet. Heading out to meet a friend with the intention of watching the new (first!) Harry Potter movie, blowing all our money on the arcades, and then finding 3 tickets on the floor somewhere. We discarded one and used the remaining two. It felt so naughty but we enjoyed the movie.
Going to Genting with the girlfriend and with other friends. I wasn’t supposed to be there– I think I told my parents that it was a chalet. Hotels with the girlfriend, too. Didn’t really tell anybody about those either. Hey, we’re married now. Going to concerts together. Watching live artists– Mr Big, L’arc~en~Ciel, Paramore, Esperanza Spalding, Jason Mraz, Slash and Miles Kennedy. Modern Children, the Korean band. Baybeats.
I suppose I can’t really draw a clear distinction between “moments out of time” and just plain good memories. But something just compelled me to think about this. Because in all of these moments, I find myself thinking “Yes, this is what life is about. This is what life is for.” Volunteering at Prisons. Organizing a gig and having it do unexpectedly well. Organizing a gig and having it do unexpectedly badly.
Meeting an old friend for dinner. Meeting a new friend for dinner. Meeting smart people and having good conversations. Doing standup comedy. Getting married. Getting on a boat in Bangkok. Cooking chicken for the first time (and beef, though I screwed that one up royally!). Cooking eggs for the first time. A mindful, meditative afternoon on my sofa, staring out of the window.
I guess the takeaway– the thing that I want to remind myself of– is that it’s important to create these moments for myself. Sometimes life hands you these moments by chance, but it seems incredibly wasteful to depend entirely on chance for them to happen– or to put them off, thinking I’ll get to them next month, next year, next decade. It simply doesn’t work like that– that’s not healthy. I shouldn’t be living my life in drudgery and routine, even if I like my job and even if I like the day-to-day pleasures of scrolling through reddit and imgur. I enjoy having completed word vomits. I enjoy having gone for runs– and yes I do remember that day when I ran a total of 6 rounds in a single session, and that felt really good.
I suppose the insight here is that there are ways to feel really good, if I just pay attention and ask myself what I want. Earlier I was reading, and I finished reading William Gibson’s Neuromancer. I really enjoyed it. Then I started reading Carl Zimmer’s Evolution, and I found that I was sort of forcing myself to go through it– so I decided to switch things up and do a word vomit instead.
I suppose at the heart of it is meditation, mindfulness. And reaching out to people, making commitments in advance to do things that I know will be interesting, that I know will allow me to enter a different state of mind than the daily-mundane. Because life is too short to put that stuff away. We have to make time for Life.